As we age, our sexual desires change and our interest in being sexually active may decrease or increase.

Although many women have a reduced interest in sex, others have an increase, but any suggestion that we lose all sexual desire at the menopause is just silly. There’s no reason why we can’t continue to enjoy a happy and satisfying sex life during and after the menopause — if we want to.

The reality is that the need for and capacity to have satisfying sexual relationships does not disappear as a natural or irreversible part of aging in women (or men).

There are many changes to our bodies and what we do about these changes depends on how we incorporate them into our current sexual life. Women who find that their sexual interest is greatly reduced may accept these changes, particularly if they have lost their sexual partner to illness or death. (If this sounds like you, see the post : Changes of Desire )

Other women complain of the reduction in desire for sex, and that their husbands feel rejected because of this, and so relationship difficulties can arise. For these women and their partners, the changes are a problem.

We can lose interest in sex because

• • Relative oestrogen deficiency causes thinning of the vaginal lining. The vaginal wall gets thinner, and the lack of lubrication and support for the vaginal walls can reduce arousal during sex and increase friction, which in turn produces soreness, burning or irritation. It hurts!
  • Night sweats and hot flushes. These are obviously counterproductive to relaxation and romance. At night, you can suddenly have an intolerable feeling of heat, profuse sweating, and sometimes (most alarmingly) a feeling of acute claustrophobia. If you have to throw off the bed sheets and open the windows when night sweats are at their worst, you certainly don’t feel like absorbing even more body heat from sex.
  • Irregular periods can make the timing of spontaneous love-making difficult. (If your periods are very irregular and causing you extra pain, please consult your health care provider)

There are many women who discover they have an increased desire - it’s perfectly understandable. We are more likely to be orgasmic after the ‘change’ when we stop worrying about contraception. By the time we reach 50 or so, we’ve gained a lot of love-making experiences, and by now we should have partners who actually know what they’re doing in bed!

You may be frustrated that orgasms don’t ‘feel right’. Partners may conclude that you’re less interested, because you lubricate less. Men can easily feel rejected, and it’s harder for them to express their feelings especially when they’re speaking through a cloud of resentment. It’s incredibly important to talk about it. Talk to your partner about the changes that are happening to your body and what both of you are feeling about these changes.

For more information, and for help in sexual matters, see the resources available at Ageing and Sex. There are herbal supplements and gels available which can be of help in stimulating more desire, and more responses to desire.

Tags: , libido